I went to see Funeral for a Friend in the Ambassador a while ago. Great gig. Amazing band. No fucking bar though. I can appreciate the need for all ages gigs, but for god's sake, open the bar upstairs. there were about 25 people up there, all of whom were old enough to embibe a few brews.
Anyway, that's not the point of this post. I've been noticing a new phenomenon recently. The return of 1980s haircuts and fashion, and last night was the most glaring example of this new trend that I've seen in a long time. There were times that the Ambassador felt like a 1980s discotheque in some shithole like Essex or Hull. It was chock full of people with haircuts that would have been rejected by the members of Flock of Seagulls. Honestly, it was like some sort of really bad art exhibit. All angles and various colours.
And as for the clothes. I saw about a half dozen people in the solid Frankie goes to Hollywood style t-shirts, more leggings than Penneys would sell in a week and a few pairs of boot runners that really should never have left the designers drawing table. One guy had a pair of old Adidas runners that looked like they were designed for a fucking moon landing.
Now don't get me wrong. The 80s was cool. Any decade that gives us A View to a Kill, Slayer, and a whole bunch of classic songs can't be all that bad. But in fairness, it was like a fucking fashion black hole. The level of stylistic shitness that developed and was exposed in that era was unbelievable. I thank god that I was only in single figures for most of the time, and therefore wasn't willing/able/enthused to dress up like a half wit. These people are combining everything from Native American chic - an oxymoron if I ever wrote one - with fabrics that were designed for wrapping sandwiches rather than people. The worst thing is, the numbers doing it are increasing. Were Enoch Powell around to see this, he would be talking about a river of fashion faeces.
Indeed, just the other night, I was having a conversation about this very phenomenon with a friend, who pointed out the number of people in our vicinity who were wearing skinny jeans. Now, skinny jeans are fair enough - but only on people who can realistically wear them. And i'm sorry. I'm not being fattest or anti-obese here, but in fairness, people have to cut their cloth to measure (see what I did there? Subtle pun or what), and wear clothing appropriate to themselves and whatever size they happen to be.
I'm hardly Coco Chanel or Vin Diesel (or whoever controls that particular design house), but at the same time, it's unlikely that I'm ever going to choose to expose the more hirsute aspects of my body in an outfit or garment that is patently too small/short for my frame. And I don't think I'm wrong in thinking that most people should dress in a similar manner. I'm not going to give any specific examples, but I think you've all seen people dressed in a manner that tends to underestimate the hugeness of the object actually sporting the attire...
Apologies for the tangent. Back to the point. Like I said, the 1980s were responsible for so many impressive, cool, enduring types of music, movies and trends. However, the fashion legacy of that particular decade is one that should not endure. There may be elements of that legacy that I have forgotten about, but by and large, it is a tarnished, dodgy dossier of a legacy. And as for the haircuts? I'm sorry. A lot of the 'dos' I have seen recently would be more at home in some sort of topiary competition.
I for one am not going to stand for this. I resolutely refuse to abandon boot cut jeans, cords and clothing that doesn't cling to me like a second skin. The last time I wore boot runners was when you had to pump up the tongue to make them fit properly. the next time I wear them will only be if someone pries them onto my cold, dead feet.
Fuck sake.
